This is why I hate certain feminists because they don’t just want equal rights; they want double standard equal rights. They want to have their cake and eat it to, or in the case of the anorexic, have a tiny slice of cake, feel really fat and take a bunch of diet pills.

I’m not against ALL feminist, I’m all for equal rights for women, we’re all the same on the inside, we should all be treated the same on the outside, but certain feminists seem to only want the good parts of equal rights. Sorry sweetheart, it doesn’t work that way. The next time a man buys you flowers, you better buy him a steak. It’s all or nothing, you either get treated the same way males do or you get back in the kitchen and speak only when spoken to, it’s as simple as that.

This means if you hit me, I get to hit you back, if you make fun of me, I make fun of you back, if you have “girls night out”, I have “guys night out” and you don’t question when I come home smelling of stripper with glitter on my face.

What you have right now is like being Christian, never going to Mass, but when Christmas comes, you’re all about that shit. And I won’t stand for it.

Nobody else seems to have this problem. You don’t see any black people demanding complaining and they’ve had it much worse for much longer. So, this means no more using “Because I’m a girl” as a rebuttal. The only time black people use “Because I’m black” is in a negative way. Take a page from the black people’s book, women.

Furthermore, most feminist are hippies. Birkenstock wearing, pot smoking, hemp clothing making, protest having hippies. That’s just a double whammy right there. That’s like rooting for the Yankees and Duke. It’s like being shot, then stabbed. It’s like having to shit and vomit at the same time but you can only get one in the toilet, so you have to think about which would be easier to clean up…what was I talking about?

Ah yes.

So, Feminist, you’ve been no doubt enlightened by this article and seen the error of your ways, so now you want to start a new. You’re probably asking yourself, “What can I do to rectify this situation?” Well, I’m going to do you one better. I’ll give you some tips of how to be a better you, while still being a feminist. Just remember these two things.

Start thinking like a normal person. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s something more and more people don’t do. Whenever faced with a situation in which your Femdar is going off, before your period blood starts to boil, just think, “What would a normal person do in such a situation?” It’s like what my father used to say, “We like your sister better”. Good times. He also would say “If you act like an idiot, people will treat you like an idiot.” Well, if you want people to treat you like everyone else, act like everyone else. It’s simple psychology, conformity rules!

Don’t Mind Men. We’re idiots, we really are. Trust me, I’ve been around us for a while. Any time a guy makes a pass at you or says something sexist; don’t get your tampon in a knot. Just look at him, smile, shake your head, and take solace in the fact that that man masturbates to late night aerobic workout infomercials on PAX…or kick ‘em in the balls, depends in whether your wearing pointy or, better yet, steel toed shoes.

And that’s it, really simple if you think about. I’m not saying don’t be a feminist, but just tone it down a bit and if you don’t act so crazy hormonal all the time, people might actually listen to you. So, split the check, learn how to take a joke, and brace yourself if you hit me and you should be just fine.

Oh, and feel free to burn your bras whenever the mood strikes.