Nov 21, 2006
This Thanksgiving, we here at SAW have a lot to be thankful for. But why keep it to ourselves? We haven’t held back a degenerate thought the rest of the year. Why should the holiday season be any different?
Writer& Editor, Phil Haney is thankful for:
- All You Can Eat Cannibal Buffets
- Child Safety Locks
- TheHun.com
- The smell of dried semen
Editor, Elaine Smith is thankful for:
- Seeing Kirstie Alley wearing support pantyhose under a bikini
- Don Julio Margheritas
- Seeing that fat, naked guy’s balls, in Borat
- The Matt Weiner Sex Scandal
- Clamato
Associate Publisher, Victoria Secret is thankful for:
- Birth Control
- Tryptophan induced naps
- Sarah Lee’s Frozen Apple Pies
- Making it through high school and college without getting knocked up
Writer, Chris Catch is thankful for:
- The morning after pill
- Vodka
- Hot, mute girls
- Facebook alerts
- Double jeopardy
- Magnum condoms
Writer, Marcus Terry is thankful for:
- Dustin Diamond, television’s Screech, teaching me how to properly perform a Dirty Sanchez
- His family… except for the uncle who used to touch him inappropriately
- His uncle’s recent incarceration, where now he is being touched inappropriately
- Hookers in spandex
Contributing Writer, Matt Weiner is thankful for:
- Garden gnomes
- A generation of kids on speed
- Global Warming making Thanksgiving feel like the 4th of July
- Evangelists Sex Scandals
- Republican Sex Scandals
- Teacher Sex Scandals
- Muppet Sex Scandals-(Fozzy- you freak!),
- Not having to ask “would you like fries with that” for a paycheck
- Jay-Z coming out of retirement
Writer, Travis Rink is thankful for:
- Still having my left testicle after being bit by that fucking pit bull back in March
- Still having my right testicle to keep my left testicle company
- Paxil, Xanax, Valium, and Yoo-Hoo
- Finding out that putting yogurt in my dog’s food cures her uncontrollable and wretchedly stinking flatulence
