| Who was the first guy to cum on a girls face? Like how'd that go over? Must have been kind of awkward afterward. But none the less any red blooded American male who has watched a porno has thought about performing the elusive cum shot. This isn't something you do with a girl you bring home to mom, but rather a skank who you're not worried about running her makeup. It's not exactly standard practice among loving couples, but if it were up to me it would be as routine as a hand job. That's why I have painstakingly compiled the Top Ten list of Girls Whose Face I'd Like to Cum On: |
10. Paris Hilton
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The tenth girl whose face I’d like to cum on is Paris Hilton. Paris put the money in money shot. I am including her on the list because she is the only one of these that I might actually have a shot at shooting my load on. With my bare elegance and charm I would be able to talk her into such a rendezvous as to unload my man butter across her billion dollar face. Ah who am I kidding it wouldn’t be that much work at all: for a few cheap drinks she'd be blowin’ cum bubbles out her nose with the charm of a five year old with a cold. Since this wouldn’t take much work she gets the ten slot. |
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For Paris aim for her forehead, watch it dribble down and cover her eyes. Laugh loudly at her as she begins to freak out. |
9. Kate Moss
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The ninth girl whose face I'd like to cum on is Kate Moss. -Kate Moss is so skinny you could cum right through her. (Oooh snap.) I was never a big fan of the Heroin Sheik look. If she's not going to eat, at least she can swallow. |
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Aim for her belly button, get a little reserve of spooge going and let it fill up quickly. Then fold her tiny body in half and let all the jizum slop on her little head. Awesome. |
8. The Bush Twins
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The eighth girl whose face I’d like to cum on are The Bush Twins. Ahh, Barbra and Jenna -Wouldn't it be great? Their Father is fucking the country, and your fucking them! (Twins count as one girl, because according to the rules of porno twin girls always have sex together.) So your brother died in Iraq and you just lost your job, what a better way to stick it to old W. then to whip out your weapon of mass destruction and spew a little biological war fare on his baby girls! |
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Make them kneel before you like you're the Prince of Saudi Arabia and cum between them, making sure to spread ample amounts on both 1st Sluts. |
7. Hillary Swank
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The seventh girl whose face I'd like to cum on is Hillary Swank. 'I grew up in a trailer park.' So act like it bitch. Nothing is more irritating then some big Hollywood starlet who tries to pretend like she comes from the streets. |
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Point straight and aim for those big white choppers of hers. Bullzeye! Try to cum on her Oscar statue to just so it’s extra demeaning for her. |
6. Sponge Bob Squre Pants
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The sixth girl whose face I'd like to come on is Sponge Bob Square Pants. I'm not sure if technically it's female or male, but I just think it would be cool to cum on Sponge Bob Square Pant's face to see what would happen. You could dump loads into it and it would absorb it all up! That’s pretty neat. |
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Spooging on a sponge is a lot like spooging into a thousand tiny open mouths. Incidentally Sponge Bob Square Pants would be great for a Buccaci Party. |
5. Cindi Crawford
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The fifth girl whose face I'd like to cum on is Cindi Crawford. A little old school, but that mole gives you a great target to shoot for. Always a classic. |
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Have you ever been taking a leek standing up at a toilet and there is a small piece of shit stuck to the bowl and you try to wash it off with your wizz? Yeah, well try to do the same with Cindi's mole. |
4. Laura Bush
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The fourth girl whose face I'd like to cum on is Laura Bush. Right in the Oval Orfice, Monica style. It would be sweet. |
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Walk up to her while she is sitting on the couch, watching the news and cum on her face without warning. This move is known as "The Pre-emttive Strike" -Also referred to in some circles as "The W." |
3. The Olsen Twins
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The third girl whose face I'd
like to cum on are The Olsen Twins. Another twofer. The anorexic one
needs a little protein, so I’d be helping her out. They are
finally 18, but when your stroking your meat over their gaping mouths
try not to picture them in their infant - Full House glory days 'cause
that's kind of creepy. |
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Grab your snake and wring it back and fourth like a gardening hose, drenching them in your demon seed. That would make Uncle Joey proud. |
2. Natalie Portman
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Queen Amidala needs to get cumed on Jedi style. Who here who didn't sleep through Episode I thought to themselves how great it would be to take out your light saber and splatter some spunk all over Natalie’s makeup caked face? |
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From across the room use The Force to lunge your nut butter at her.. Right in the face. |
1. Barbara Bush
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And the number one girl whose
face I'd like to cum on is Barbra Bush. The wife of a president and
the mother of a president, she has a face just begging to be cumed
on. Personally I would fill those wrinkled crevices with the finest
man batter fit for a first lady. Good old Babs. |
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Aim for that beautiful head of white hair. That way, at first her head full of semen won't be noticeable until she is at some important banquet, meeting with heads of state and all of a sudden a pound of baby batter starts making its way down her forehead and all over her dress. That would be pretty cool. |
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Email Phil Haney with the girls you'd like to cum on: Phil@SuperAwesomeWow.com |
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