Nov 22, 2006
Hi! God Bless you and keep you on this day…He has to because no one else is going to. It is the way of the Lord to test our devotion to him. Much like what society has deemed to be an ‘abusive’ relationship, our God loves us very much, but unsure of a proper way to express it.
He gives us a proverbial shiner across the eye, then takes onto the proverbial bed and proverbially forces himself on us for fifteen minutes before proverbially leaving us proverbially crying on our matrimonial bed.
Proverbially speaking, in this case, the shiner is the election and the rape is the democratic swing in the house. What’s the proverbial crying? None. Those tears are all too real.
At times like this when my faith is truly tested, I generally turn to the pastors, those with wisdom beyond myself, with their communications path directly to Jesus, to provide me with the advice on I need whilst in crisis. And as a member of the New Life Church, I thought I had the best minister one can get…
Oh Ted… Oh, oh Ted…. Say its not so! Tell me its all vicious lies! Please don’t say that you really……….resigned your post! Don’t go, Ted!
At first, I’m sure you felt as I did. The homosexual scourge has claimed another righteous soul with its decadent ways of well kempt hygiene, toned abs and rainbow sweaters. I was angry at the sin, not the sinner…because I knew he didn’t mean it. Gay is a choice, and he chose poorly.
Why do you have to go Ted? I’ve forgiven you!
Plus, if it will make you stay, I’m willing to offer myself to you. Ours is a forgiving lord. If he knows the reason that I sacrificed my mouth to your pious preacher pump, he will not only grant you the strength to resist it, but the wisdom to combat it further.
I’m right here Ted. Only after you have tasted their perverse fruits will we be able to fend off the coming Same-Sex Union legalizations.
My belt is undone, my pants are at my ankles, I’m loading up on Vaseline, and now I’m bending over the pew. C’mon, Ted. Take a nice long look. Give it smell. Now, how about a little taste>|?
That’s right, taste deep, deep of that sin and let us do what must be done. Even if we have to fill every orifice of my being with the Lord’s Life Making Liquid for days on end, I’m ready and eager; keeping you around is the most important thing.
C’mon, don’t make me beg.
Brad G.
