Sep 30, 2006
Hi! May god bless you and help me to welcome you to my very first column here on SuperAwesomeWow. My name is Brad Goldberg and I am a devout follower of Christ and the word (Don’t let the last name fool ya! j/k) And it will be my pleasure to be your personal guide to the path each and every week.As I’m sure you already can tell, there are a lot of problems in the world. Abortions, terrorism, abortion doctors, pornography, teenage abortions, cursing, planned parenthood, sex, abortions, muslims, you don’ have to look hard to find something very wrong with the world we live. I know, I live there.
In fact, I know what you’re going through. Now, my sins of the flesh are over and heaven everlasting is my playground. I have accepted his teachings and have beforgiven all my sins. This is the best part. He died for us all, now and forever. In accepting him, he has taken responsibility for our past sins. You did not steal that candy bar from Kmart. Christ has, and all is forgiven. You did not skip church for 14 years. Christ has, and all is forgiven. You did not sneak into your brothers hospital room after the seventeen hour liver surgery that saved his life only to switch off the life support system, and, watching as his lips turn blue and the muscles on his face start to violently spasm with greater frequency, you laugh about how much MORE attention you’re going to get once he’s gone. Christ has, and all is forgiven. He is truly the light of the world.
I lived amongst the debauchery for some 25 years, until just last month. I was in a vicious spiral. Drugs, alcohol, pre material…relations, all these things were my refuge from the unpleasant truth. That these very things which I sought and reveled in, were actually bad for me.
Sure, at the time I couldn’t tell. I mean, sure, when you’re pounding through your second eight ball, and the most attractive girl of the four way your having falls off your pile of $100 bills you use for a mattress shouts for the others to slow down because she wants to…catch the finish, it seems like you have it all. But then, I was shown that I could have a whole lot more.
And now, I want to share my happiness. In fact, it was through his glory that I found this very website. I was googleing synonyms for how I felt about Jeses when I found this URL. Needless to say, the words sounded happy enough, I thought ‘Surely, this website must give him praise. Or at least the president.’ Oh how wrong, I was. But alas, man is not divine. But I know someone who is:)
This website is the perfect mission. Offensiveness, sarcasm, violence, lustfulness, a black man who doesn’t seem to like many movies, and a Jew or two. It is my personal mission to help turn this site around from the so called ‘humorous’, to the glorious. I want you to write in your questions and queries, that I may save you as he has saved me.
Remember we are all one under god’s love. He is our father, and his love is pure. It is good and it is unconditional.
Please accept Christ into your life lest you rot in the pits of hell for all of eternity.
Jesus Loves you!
Brad G.
