I saw the night before that there would be a protest at Union Square, which is in The Village, starting at noon, which is typical hippy logic: We’re going to stop Bush and all of his fucking lies…but not before noon. The icing on the cake was this was noon on a Tuesday and I don’t know if hippies are aware of this, but contributing, regular bathing, members of society have school and jobs. Jobs that start in the morning, some as early as 9am, and go alllll the way to 5pm or later with no weed naps in between and they have to do this Monday through Friday every week. So, to the liberal American who tells his or her boss at around 11:55, “I’m taking the rest of the day off so I can protest Bush at Union Square”, I’m sure the response would not stray far from “No, you’re not.” And that would be the end if that. I asked one of the hippies if they really expected people to walk out of their jobs and she said “Yes, and if they’re boss won’t let them, then they should quit.” Obviously, hippies are not familiar with the whole money being exchange for goods and services deal.

Skipping school, I can understand that. Shit, I didn’t vote for Bush, but if I had the choice to go to school or be outside on a beautiful fall day in New York City at some Anti-Bush rally, I’d be out there with a sign and rhyming chant before you can say “soy milk”. And while we’re on the subject, what ever happened to the rhyming chant? A good “Hell no, we won’t go” or something like that. I’m out there and people are taking two fragment sentences, alternating them between themselves and the crowd and calling it a day: “The World Can’t Wait. Get Bush out now” was a popular one. As was the more direct and concise, “Fuck Bush.”

Come on, hippies, get creative.

How about, “No Bush, No War. These are things you can’t ignore.” And that’s just off the top of my head. Think what I could come up with if I didn’t have a job and smoked pot all day.

However, as bad as the chants were, they did not compare to the shirts. Since the vast majority of the hippies were a part of the MTV generation they went with shirts that said “Resist or Die” which is not only an obvious rip off of Puff Daddy’s “Vote or Die” during the last election, but it was swimming in ambiguity. At least with Puff Daddy’s slogan you knew what you had to do not to get shot by him, vote. But resist or die? Resist what? Bush? How? And don’t say by having a protest. You can’t resist something you have no control over.

Also, my sister works in advertising and she tells me that the “Vote or Die” campaign was completely ineffective among its key demographic, the voter turn out didn’t go up at all. But far be it from hippies to actually research what slogan’s have worked in the past, but this isn’t, like, about the past, man, it’s about the future, ya dig?

Oh and you want to talk adorable? These were some of the cutest hippies I have ever seen and I went to Ithaca College which is located smack dab in the middle of Liberaltown, USA, you could set your watch by the protests. This protest was filled with 15 to 22 year olds who don’t know shit about shit and 50 year old hippies that are left over from the last war, I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t really scream working class to me. Anyway, it was so cute that they thought they could make a difference by protesting Bush IN THE VILLAGE! That’s like protesting gay marriage in the south. They kept talking as if what they were saying was actually going to happen. One speaker end her tirade with “…and let’s me say this to you George Bush, you’re fired!” The crowd went fucking nuts. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that, well, no he’s not, that’s not how it works and that that saying “you’re fired” represents the most corporate of corporate America and the crowd could not have loved it more, silly hippies.

And please correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe you hippies had your chance to get Bush out of office last year. I’m not saying I necessarily want him in, but you had your chance and you lost fair and square, either deal with it or find a better way to accomplish your goal. When Clinton was in his second term and Republicans wanted him out, did they protest? No, they got him impeached. Now, granted it didn’t work, but they were a lot closer than these hippies will ever be, but once again, I digress.

This protest was so fucking ridiculous I had to resist the many urges to run on stage, take the microphone and say things like “Where my steady job holders at?”, “Where my black people at?”, “Where my Republicans at?”. Actually, if I had said that last one I would have gotten a response because across the street was a group of maybe fifteen republicans protesting the hippies protest, only in America. And even though I generally don’t like Republicans, I have to say, these guys were alright. They called themselves the “Urban Elephants” and they had a sense of humor about the whole situations. This was proven simply by their signs that read (and I am not making this up) “I Like Tacos” and “Go Home Hippies”. Kudos to you, Republicans and yes, go home hippies. In fact, move to Canada. No Bush, free health care, it’s very clean. You’ll love it.