I Will Knock a Woman Out!

That’s right. I’m one of the few men who’ll proudly admit it, but I have no trouble fighting a woman. If some chick wants to get rowdy, I’m ready to throw down. You can’t hide behind that “You can’t hit me because I’m a girl” defense anymore. You want to starts some shit? Well you’re going down, bitch.

I decided it was ok to hit a woman back in high school. I got into a fight with a girl on the bus. She kept hitting me in the head with her notebook so I took it from her and threw it out the window. That bitch socked me square in the jaw. I didn’t hit her back because she was a girl and all my life I’ve been taught that men don’t hit women because they are the fairer sex. Well fuck that! It took me three years and sex scandal with the hot English teacher to live down getting “beat up” by a girl. Thanks Mrs. Parnell.

But since that incident I’ve been fully ready to knock a bitch out, provided she hits me first. To me, that’s what the whole women’s liberation movement was about. Women say they can do anything a man can do. Well, that includes taking a punch. I had this argument with my last girlfriend. She was a feminist and was always talking about how women are equal to men in every way and better in most ways. One day I got sick of it and said “Ok, if you’re so strong let me punch you in the face.” She said no, so I said “Then get back in the fucking kitchen!”

Women, you can’t have it both ways. If you want to make an equal wage and have the right to vote then you also have to be able to take a punch. Otherwise, shut up, take your 50 cents on the dollar and leave the importing decisions to the men.

The double standard has got to go. It’s just plain unfair that a woman can beat me over the head with an umbrella if I bump into her in a crowd. But as soon as I run up to a random woman and uppercut her in the vagina just for being a woman, I’m put in handcuffs and looking at my third strike.

Oh yeah, fellas, just so you know, even though women don’t have testicles, if you punch, kick, headbutt or sledgehammer them hard enough in the crotch they will go down.

I now make a call to action to all men out there. If a woman hits you, hit that bitch back. She wants you to. By giving her a knuckle hoagie and elbow dropping her like The Rock you are validating that she’s equal to you. So if you respect women then you’ll fight them like Muhammed Ali.

Float like a butterfly
Sting like a bee
Cunt punch that bitch
Then finish watching TV