Glory Road Review

I was very surprised by this movie. And by “surprised” what I mean is “disappointed.” You see I’m a little dyslexic so sometimes I mix up words when I read them fast. I was actually at the movie theatre to see “Last Holiday” because I figured I could kill an hour and a half watching Queen Latifa’s boobs bounce all around the giant screen.

Seriously, in the theatre I was in they would probably have been about 8 feet tall. I could really nestle myself between ta-ta’s that big and juicy. I’d pitch a tent, build a fire and roast my wiener between Queen Latifa’s tits. Mmmm…

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, “Glory Road.”

Like I said I mix up words sometimes. I was in line to get my “Last Holiday” ticket when I looked up at the listings and what I saw was “Glory Hole.” How could I not see that movie? Just from the title I could tell that it had Oscar potential. So I asked for my “Glory Hole” ticket. They guy looked at me weird but I just chalked it up to his lazy eye.

So the movie gets started and it shows Don Haskins coaching a girl’s high school basketball team. I’m thinking “Hell yeah. There’s gonna be some good glory hole action in this high school.” Then he gets the job at Texas Western and has to move into the men’s dorm with his family. Now I’m thinking “I don’t really want to see this kind of glory hole action.”

Luckily there was no guy-on-guy action. But sadly there was also no guy-on-girl action. And worst of all, no girl-on-girl action. This is where the movie really went south for me. The basketball story was inspirational and all that crap, but if they just had a few scenes with a couple girls making out the movie would have been great. I mean, come on, they were in college. You can’t tell me that in that whole year of college no girls on that Texas Western campus made out with their room mate on a drunken bet.

Overall the film was entertaining but I think it really could have benefited from a glory hole scene a la Porky’s.