Jun 24, 2011
I’m a dating aficionado; there’s no girl in the world I don’t know how to seduce. I get into the hottest clubs with the hottest chicks and leave with every single one of them at the same time. I literally have one billion girls’ phone numbers in my iPhone. And that’s just from this past weekend.
Now I may be a player, but I’m certainly not selfish with the ladies. Today I’ve decided to share my own personal dating tips so you, too, can score as much as I do.
I’ve only shared these tips once before with a friend. You may have heard of him: Anthony Weiner. Yea, THAT Anthony Weiner. Before me, Weiner couldn’t get a girl to save his life, and now look at him; he has the most famous junk in the world. And he has me to thank.
So now, for the first time ever, I’m sharing the tips that made Weiner a winner with the public. You’re welcome, guys. And you’re ever more welcome, ladies. Wink emoticon.
Creepy Dick’s Dating Tips
- Don’t open the door for your date. And at dinner, ask her to pay half. Girls love being treated as equals.
- Suggest going to a hot tub together within the first 15 minutes of the date.
- When ordering at a restaurant, criticize everything on the menu and take at least 45 minutes to decide. Then order for her. This shows confidence and sophistication.
- Eye contact is important. Stare at her constantly. She’ll be flattered that you’re so attracted to her.
- You know how it would turn you on if your date told you she wasn’t wearing any underwear? Girls are the same. Go commando and make sure you tell her about it when the moment is right.
- When you return from the bathroom, tell her exactly why you went and what for. She’ll appreciate how open you are.
- Girls want to feel special, so make sure you know everything about her. Her likes, dislikes, what she had for lunch on Saturday, where she was yesterday at 12:15pm, when her cat last had its shots, names of past boyfriends, etc. Remembering unexpected details will earn you huge points.
- Tell her how hot your ex girlfriend was. It will make her compete to live up to your expectations. If your ex wasn’t actually hot, lie. Girls can’t tell when you’re lying.
- Women, through evolution, are genetically attracted to men who can wriggle out of dangerous situations. So if someone confronts you or insults your date, apologize profusely and do whatever the assailant asks to keep them from hitting you.
- No matter how the date goes, go in for the kiss. Do it open mouthed or she may think it’s a “friend” kiss.
- If a girl ends your date early and stops returning your phone calls, this means she is extremely attracted to you and is playing hard to get. Girls are funny like that. Don’t let up.
- Mark your territory. “Like” every single photo she posts on Facebook. Other guys will see this and know she’s taken
- Find out where she lives and “just happen to be in the “neighborhood” as often as possible.
- Does she have a pet? Kidnap it, wait a few days, then return it and tell her you found it wandering the streets. She’ll be overcome with gratitude.
- When in doubt, send a pic of your junk.
Best,
- Creepy Dick
