For my latest Kleiman Kinema Klub escapade, the KKK saw the critical acclaimed film “Brokeback Mountain”. This was undoubtably the gayest movie I have ever seen. I was not a fan and I have made it well know that the KKK does not care for things that are so gay. I cannot stress enough how totally queer this movie was. If you want to walk out of the theater and think, “that was so gay”, then “Brokeback Mountain” is for you, just don’t forget your butt plug. The movie takes place in 1963 in Wyoming and is about two cowboys, Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, who indulge in the act that dare not speak its name…butt fucking. However, even without that completely tasteless butt fucking joke, it’s a dead give away that these two are of the homo variety, let’s look at the facts.

1. It’s Wyoming in the 1963: there’s nothing to do in Wyoming in 2005, can you imagine how boring it must been fourty years ago? After a while, you’ll look for anything to do to keep the bordem at bay. Shit, I’d do it just so we would have something to talk about when we’re cuddling, moving on.

2. They’re cowboys. ‘Nuff said. What? You don’t think cowboys are gay? Well, young man, I was once in your shoes, I said, I was down and out with the blues. I felt no man cared if I was alive, I just thought the whole world was so gay. That’s when someone came up to me and said, “Young man, take a walk up the street, I have something to show you in my van” Well, you know the rest.

3. Not convinced? This movie was directed by Ang Lee…I’ll continue. The very same Ang Lee who also directed “Sense and Sensibility” which won the A-fag-emy Award for Best Screenplay. He also directed “Hulk”, by far one of the gayest movies ever.

4. Perhaps the biggest dead giveway is their names: Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist. We’ll start with Pennis, I mean, Ennis. Three names is almost a dead giveaway, you may as well be, Ennis Fudge Packer. And Del Mar sounds like a black guy who bartends at The Pink Flamingo (not that I would know that). Moseying along to Jack Twist, this does not wave as many rainbow colored scarfs as Ennis, but come on, Jack Twist? Is that your name or is that what you want me to do to your shaft? Is that your name or is that what you tell Jack to do when you climax?

It is clear that this is the gayest movie of the year and may even give some of the classics a run for there money. “Xanadu” and “Prince of Tides” better watch their backs. Literally.

I give this movie two thumbs up

…and then twist.