Kleiman Kinema Klub

This past weekend I wanted to waste $10, but I didn’t just want to give it to a homeless guy or buy $10 worth of snickerdoodles, I really wanted to waste it. I wanted to get nothing in return for this $10. Kind of like in “Seinfeld” where George tried to get fired by the Yankees. I needed something that wasn’t worth $2, let alone $10, but it was anyway. I needed to come anyway with nothing, if not come away with less than I came with. I needed to go to the movies. This barely narrowed my choices, Hollywood ran out of good ideas five years ago. A sequel, that’s what I needed, but not just any sequel, a sequel to a movie that shouldn’t have been made in the first place. There it was, clear as day, I present to you “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”. I saw the movie and it was perfect for what I was looking for, absolutely terrible. It fit every criterion I was looking for, but what’s odder than how this movie got made was what transpired afterwards.

In an ironic twist, Actor/Comedian and former Saturday Night Live alumni Rob Schneider who is known for his SNL character “Rich Laimer” aka “The Rich-meister” was forced to get a job in corporate America after his latest movie, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, flopped in the box office and he needed some quick money to make ends meet. The only position that was available was in the copy room.

“We feel Rob is the perfect fit for this job,” said office manager of Pace Electronics Dan Rodgers, “He’s already had experience ‘mak-in’ cop-ies’ and he can lighten the mood, you know, give us a laugh with those clever nicknames and puns he comes up with, I don’t know how he does it. So far, he hasn’t been doing it, but I’m sure he’ll warm up after a while.”

“It’s been really tough for me,” said Schneider during his fifteen minute lunch break, “People are constantly walking and looking in like I’m some sort of attraction and giving me things to copy that don’t even need copying…‘Adam Sandler’s Bitch’, ‘The Animal Sucked’, I see no reason how these are professional or need to be duplicated…but I’m kinda the low man on the totem pole here so I had to do it anyway.”

While most mock him, there are a few employees who sympathize with him.

“This is irony in its highest and most pure form,” said co-worker Jon Lovitz, “I can’t even imagine being on such a highly regarded show as SNL and then having to get a job as a character you once satirized, that would be totally demoralizing for me.” Lovitz then excused himself to go meet with his pathological lairs support group.

Schneider doesn’t plan to say with this job. “I’m just in a transition phase right now, don’t know how long I’ll have this job. Hopefully Adam Sandler or someone more talented than me will give me a part in their movie which is entirely possible because that is quite a large field.”

He went on to say that if things continued to go poorly he may have to become a male prostitute to pick up a little extra cash on the side.