I live in New York City. The greatest city in the world. Also, one of the most EXPENSIVE! Especially, for a struggling stand-up comic with a day job selling tennis rackets. I pay $1300 a month for my apartment and it’s a box slightly larger than my entire body. It’s so small my dick can be in 3 different rooms at the same time! Wait. What am I...

I work in a sporting goods store in New York City selling tennis rackets and other various tennis accessories and paraphernalia. Yes, I’m living the dream. I know. Now, just go tell my Mom. I would like to think whoever coined that phrase: “the customer is always right” never actually worked in retail. Because these are just some of the questions I deal...

LOS ANGELES, CA (Any Day) I slowly pull out of my gated apartment complex – why it’s gated I don’t know. The wife asked me to bring back some In-N-Out Burgers. Anything for the fam! Hmm… I wonder if I should take the freeway? Can’t be too busy this time of day. My life flashes before my eyes – boy, that was a fun day up in...

Contrary to popular belief, douche bags come in all shapes and sizes. All colors and nationalities. Women not only are able to use douche bags, they too can be douche bags. How do I know? I almost became one. Not a woman. A douche bag. I lived in Los Angeles for 13 months. Let’s put it this way, there’s more douche bags in LA than there are in...